I don't understand the way things work and how things are supposed to be balanced, for this year has definitely been the summer of death.

Many people and animals I know have died this year, more then any other year I have seen.
(and yes I do know there are people that experience more deaths on a regular basis, this is just a lot for me)

In early april my grandmother died, which I am not as sad about anymore, for she is now free of pain and not trapped in a body that decays around her. I got to spend one last easter with her, and I know she always loved that. She made sure to hang on long enough so that all of her family could see her, and everyone went. Her oldest son drove down from Ottawa (10 hour drive)them back home then back 2 more times. So I am pretty sure that she had some good happiness before she went.

But in mid April when I had gotten home from college for the summer I had noticed a female cat was hanging about my back yard, She was a fairly small cat and was pregnant from what I could tell. I called her Marbyl because of her tortoise shell markings. I had gotten her to come up to me and she was really affectionate, so I snuck her out some food, just so I could get her healthy. I even had a friend who was planning on taking her home. After I came back from a weekend at a friends place, apparently shortly before I had gotten home some asshole decided he needed "points" by hitting her on the road. Like come on, I live on a curvy crescent, there is no need to go fast enough to hit a cat, it is reckless to go that fast, because there are little kids who play on my street as well. The neighbours had taken away the body before I got home, but I could tell from the blood splatter that she hadn't died immediately, they hit something vital enough to kill her, but left her alive long enough to flip around in pain. That hurt me a lot, because there was no rain for a good few days, so the sun baked the platter on the ground making it so that a whole bunch of rains were needed to make the splatter go away.

I got over it slowly and the tears stopped coming, Tho this was the year that my mom and I knew that our dog Nudy would have to go down, for he was pretty old 13-15 and had diabetes. We knew that the summer heat always made him sick, so I really doubted her could take another. His legs were obviously loosing feeling and circulation, for he was having a hard time getting up (we have hardwood floors so his feet would just slip on it for a bit) and we would help him and encourage him to keep trying, and for a good while he was doing pretty good, but one day he refused to get up, and since he was not the smallest of dogs, me and my mom couldn't pick him up. So she booked an appointment for the day after and called her boyfriend John to come and pick up up to go outside while she was at work. So I was home, comforting him because I could see he was still in there, and John came over. Nudy just started Oozing when John picked him up, and he decided that there wasn't time to wait till tomorrow. So he rapped Nudy up in his favourite rug and took him out to the truck, he told me not to tell my mom, and drove away.
Not too long after my mom called, and I lied to her, and she was ok. but she called again a few hours later, and I couldn't hold it back and told her. She was so distraught that she couldn't work anymore and came home crying to me.
He definitely had a better life with us then the people who first had him, they obviously beat him, and left him alone for long periods of time, here he got to help raise 2 kittens and got spoiled by the family.

For the last few months I had been hearing about how my Ex's grandfather was refusing to get out of bed, and had gone to go see him. He had hollowed out the same way my grandma had, so I was pretty certain that his time was soon. He recognized me and my Ex, and said we were fine people. Not too long after I hear that he passed. I went to the funeral, and even though I had not known him that well or long, I couldn't stop crying. I listened to storied of his past and wished I had of gotten to know him better.

Now I have a pretty young cat inside that we can't get fixed, her name is Xander and she has a heart murmur, It makes it so that her heart beats either 3 times as fast or 300 times a minute (I forget which one) Basically if we were to put her under to get surgery done on her, there is a huge risk of her not coming back up.
So she is basically constantly in heat. Always sitting on the window ledges singing out to the toms in the area. And only this summer have we seemed to get a whole bunch of toms about. I have slowly been naming them. Charlie, Isaac, Marmalade, etc.
I as always try to tame the cats to come up and let me pet them. and I had gotten both Charlie and Isaac to do so, heck they like me and my Xander so much they take turns at trying to get inside the house. But we have our limit of 3, we can't afford another cat. So we just enjoy the company of the toms that come about. Now I haven't seen Charlie about the last while, I am REALLY hoping that he has gone home for a while to get food and all. And that is also what I had hoped for Isaac. He was the chattiest male I had seen, He would sit on the outside if the windows and talk in to me, and I'd say Hi and he'd meow back, and it was really cute. I'd often see him on one side of the screen and Xander on the other. Last Thursday was the last time I had seen him until today. My mom wakes me up really early and tells me it isn't good, immediately my mind flashes to Isaac and the mental image of what happened to Marbyl. So she takes me into the back yard and there laying peacefully on his side is Isaac.
I am pretty certain he has been there a day or two because both my mom and I have been too busy to go into the backyard to do any gardening. His eyes are clouded and he is stiff. flies gathering at the entry points. I have no clue what killed him, there are no injuries on him. The only thing I can think of is the asshole next door. He had called the cops on us several times claiming that our dog was barking, when it was the dog behind us. I wouldn't put it past him to have laid down some poison so that the cats would stop going across his lawn or leaving little presents under his bushes.
I now have to wait till either John comes over or we can find some other guy who can help us. For we want to bury him, but the soil is too hard.

I really hope Charlie is OK

I do not understand why there are so many deaths this year opposed to others. But I am an animal lover and seeing these things happen around me make me wonder if god/karma/higher power is trying to punish me for something.

Sorry for the long read, I just really needed to get this out.